Beats
Autofellatio Apple Pie
Ingredients:
Pastry:
3¼
Cups All-purpose flour
1¼
Cups Very Cold lard* or solid vegetable shortening
1
Tbs vinegar
1
tsp salt
1
tsp sugar
¾
cup mix of vodka and water
Filling:
4
Granny Smith Apples
4
Jon-a-gold Apples
(or any equal mix of tart and sweet apples)
¾
cup all-purpose flour
¾
cup white sugar
1
cup Dark Brown sugar
1½
tsp cinnamon
lemon
juice
------------------------------------------
*Lard gives the best - flakiest crust. It is NOT as bad for you as you have been taught. It does NOT have the bad cholesterol, the manufactured kind.
Directions:
Place
large bowl in freezer along with the 1¼
Cups lard and mixture of vodka and water.
The
key to good pastry crust is to keep it cold and don't overwork it.
Combine
the flour, salt and sugar in a bowl. Add Tbs vinegar. Cut the lard
into chunks and add them to flour with a table knife. Slave does
have a pastry cutter but finds that a knife or two will work better.
Cut the chunks into the flour until it starts to look like a gravel.
From
this..
work
it into this
Add
the water / Vodka mixture by tablespoon fulls just until the dough
will hold together in a ball.
At
this point, split the dough in two with one piece just larger than
the other. Wrap both in plastic wrap and stick back into
refrigerator to rest and re-chill.
Cover
your pizza stone with aluminum foil and preheat oven to 400.
As your oven heats, wash off the apples and have a large bowl ready for
them. Slave always squirts some lemon juice in the bowl and lays a
couple of paper towels over. The lemon juice keeps the flesh of the apple from turning brown.
Peel,
core and cut apples into wedges. There is a handy kitchen tool that
will help with this.
Dump the wedges into the bowl and give them a stir with your hand and
if needed add a bit more of the lemon juice.
Now
add ¾ cup of white sugar and 1 cup of brown sugar, the cinnamon and
the flour. Stir this gently with a big wooden spoon until the mixture
covers all of the apple wedges.
By
now the oven should be pre-heated. Set the apples aside and roll out
a large piece of wax paper or parchment, one that is as wide as your
pie pan. Slave used an oven proof glass dish, which was buttered on
the inside.
Sprinkle
flour on the paper and take out the large ball of dough. Place it on
one side and fold the paper over so that the dough is in the middle
of the folded piece. You might have to sprinkle more flour between
the dough and paper but keep it to a minimum. Roll out the dough
using short strokes and turning between each. You want the dough to
end up about 1/8 inch thick disk slightly larger than the pie dish.
Don't
over work, if it starts to shrink back, put it in the refrigerator
again to rest for 10 minutes. When ready, roll the dough up against the
rolling pin until it is covered. Then place the edge of the dough on the edge of
dish and unroll. It does not have to be perfect! Dough can always
be patched by wetting the edges and sticking another piece onto it.
Spread
the apple mixture into the shell and be sure to scrape out all of the
liquid that has now formed with the sugars and flour into almost a
caramel. Pat everything down with wooden spoon.
Do the top crust in the same manner. Once that is on the pie, cut
lines or designs through the crusts so that steam will escape. Brush
top with a tiny bit of water and sprinkle with bakers colored sugar
if you like. Place on top of covered pizza stone. Bake for 30
minutes.
Remove pie, set stone out on a towel, slip a big piece of aluminum
foil onto the rack to catch the drips. Before returning pie, whip an
egg in a small bowl and with a brush “paint” the crusts with the
egg wash. Bake for an additional 40 minutes, or until the crust is a
beautiful shade and not burned. Take out to cool on a cooling rack.
Allow pie to completely cool before cutting.
Keep
pie refrigerated until needed, serve with softened ice cream and a
side of hot coffee and sparklers!
Serving
Master Indy
socialslave
To
satisfy and restore. To nourish, support and maintain. To gratify,
spoil, comfort and please, to nurture, assist, and sustain …..I
cook!
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