Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Mental Health Care and the Consensual Slave

Yes, there are going be be times when any of us need the support and care that mental health care professionals provide. Relationships will disappoint us, people will hurt us – and not in a good way! We might find processing trauma and grief overwhelming. Is is natural and healthy to turn to these professionals. People trained to guide us through these complexities.

However, for many in the kink life, and particularly for the consensual slave, what should be a normal course of action is an unknown minefield. Proceed with caution. The bottom line to remember: You are worthwhile! You deserve to be happy! What makes you happy is nobody else's business.

The vast majority of professionals in the health care field have now had, at least an introduction to WHAT “kink” is. You must keep in mind that many honestly believe that this is a sickness and they can and must cure you. Look how long it took for them to view “Reparative Therapy” as dangerous. Still that is not universal in the least.

The way that the official guidelines are written or the way things are described in the “DSM V” should not concern you but they do. You seek help. It is illogical for you to fear for the very foundation of your well being or expect that the life view you have finally found is going to be subconsciously attacked. That the very things that give you the most joy will be ripped to shreds by professionals in manipulation. All under the guise of: “it's for your own good”.

Run the moment you suspect any red flags. This is just as important as any red flags to safety in the dungeon. These are just as life threatening. The ideas planted in your mind will ease forward when you least suspect them. I know this sounds alarmist. Sit back for a second and think about it. A person comes into one of these sessions, already with a wounded psyche. They are seeking help. Here is a professional, trained in helping, using words couched in caring and concern, here is support, here is agreement with “your side”, and enough Kleenex to handle Noah's Flood.

These are not mean and heartless people. They could not have gone through all of the years of training and study if they did not intend well. The fault, must lie in what they were studying. When their training dealt with ideas or customs or even “enjoyments” that were foreign to them, things “felt” bad. Of course they must help you to see the error of that way of thinking. To heal you, they must convince you that the very things you “thought” you enjoyed, were really harmful.

They are not mean people. That fact will make it difficult for you to separate the practitioner from the practice. It is very hard to say: “Thank You, you are very kind and helpful. “However, I can not allow you to sabotage the very things that give me euphoria, when the rest of my life is in trauma.”

Think how long it took to find this life: This role that you were born to play. Think how strange the thought was before the whole world “clicked” with you. All before finding yourself. Before finding who you were and what you were intended to do in this life. You have found that “you”. That you is good. That you is just what you should be. That you is lovable. That you deserves protection and nurturing. That you is worthwhile.

The consensual slave has realized the wonderful feeling associated with nurturing, care-giving, altruism. The joy of making someone happy. Well these things are vilified by the most popular school of therapy today: “Codependency”. While some have found help with addictions in this school of thought, we must wonder. How many have been hurt and what kind of price has this inflicted on our community as a whole?
The logical conclusion of the Codependent therapy is a withdrawal from relationships and a complete self sufficiency that rejects responsibility for our fellow beings.
Yes, of course there are forms of unhealthy giving and ways to “lose a sense of self” in another. However in this school of thought no importance is placed in a mutuality of effort. Codependent Therapy does not recognize the true aspect of “power-exchange” where both Master and slave gives and takes. No emphasis is ever placed on healthy give and take. In fact, “giving” or “caring for” is discouraged as part of the sickness.

The worst aspect of this therapy is that rarely intelligent discussions of the pros and cons of this teaching can take place. All too often, pseudo science and knee-jerk religious concepts fly laced with gender binary sexism thrown in. If you find fault with their teachings, you are using a “defense mechanism”, or you are “projecting”, or in denial, or any number of other non-relevant terms. 

May I suggest a more positive approach to finding the help you need. Check with “Kink Aware Professionals”. They might not be handy to where you are but can give you pointers and help. Keep positive.
Recently slave was forced to outline four “goals” for mental health help. It is hoped they can help you also.

Well Being
1.) I wish to seek to enhance the will to life and the will to life-giving relationships, both for myself and any combination of others.
I would like to identify what in my actions or the actions of my relationships already represents a quest for fuller life.
To reflect on which are my most positive actions, and on those actions that are destructive.
To find the impulses toward life within those very acts.
Further, I wish to name those experiences that best nourish lives and relationships.
Next I wish to seek ways to build such experiences more fully into my daily routine. The nourishing experiences can be anything from political activity, gardening, spending time with friends, participating in active sports, exploring the natural world, exercising, or just listening to music.
Although my primary focus should be on my life and relationships, I would also focus more directly on life in general. I wish to be concerned with the well being of my community and participate in actions that nourish communal life and relationships. Participate in communal rituals, common meals, and communal play.
Basically I wish to identify and engage in actions that support not only my own well being but also the well being of my community.

Spirit to Live
2.) I wish to enhance my life and relationships with a spirit to Live. Explore the practice of prayer, contemplation, and meditation. To more fully live in this world, I would like to find the motivation and the pathways such practices often provide. This may allow me to discover the joy that is, and should be, the very act of living! Not in some great achievement but rather in simply the “ins and outs” of daily life.

Get More Involved in Self Giving
3.) I wish to focus on forms of giving that are most valuable to myself and others. Forms of giving that are the least tainted by past experience with low self worth. The possibilities of self-giving can be limitless: giving through helping others (individually and collectively); participating in the political process; giving through developing my distinctive strengths and the quality of my own life, both for myself and for others.

Enjoy life and enjoy relationships
4.) I wish to seek ways to enhance my life and relationships so that they bring more enjoyment to all involved. This might include analyzing what is already present to be enjoyed, what is absent, and what might be transformed or initiated as a pathway to enjoyment. The aim would be to enhance the quality of my life and the quality of my relationships. I know that relationships are often filled with brokenness and pain, but they don't HAVE to be. The healing of the way I view relationships can contribute to my growth and may very well be the basis of healing the world in general. By “world”, I mean all that I can relate to, see, and experience.

If I change the way I think and perceive, I will change my world

The core of these four points is a positive outlook. These are positive steps you can take. They are not judgmental – we have had too much of that already.
Yes I know they conflict with much of the Codependency band wagon. But the bottom line is, will they help you? You are more important than any school of thought, any teaching, any writing. Remember you must care for yourself before you are able to care for anyone else.

Pardon slave if this sounds like a rant. It is intended only to help and to support. It is part of what I must do as a slave.


To satisfy and restore.
To nourish, support and maintain.
To gratify, spoil, comfort and please,
to nurture, assist, and sustain
..I cook!

Please buy slave's cookbook:

The Little Black Book of Indiscreet Recipes by Dan White http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00F315Y4I/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_vAT4sb0934RTM via @amazon

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